Living with an Alcoholic: What You Need to Know

However, for someone with an alcohol dependence, that expectation may turn out to be unreasonable. If the person is incapable of even being honest with themselves, it may not be reasonable to expect them to be honest with you. You don’t have to create a crisis, but learning detachment will help you allow a crisis—one that may Dealing and Living with an Alcoholic Spouse be the only way to create change—to happen. You may still want to help your loved one when they are in the middle of a crisis. However, a crisis is usually the time when you should do nothing. When someone reaches a crisis point, sometimes that’s when they finally admit they have a problem and begin to reach out for help.

Let’s talk about your recovery

While it’s natural to want to help someone you care about, playing the role of a fixer can negatively impact multiple aspects of your life. You may have many fears holding you back from leaving an alcoholic spouse. Your alcoholic husband or wife could be supporting your family financially. You may worry about where you’ll live, their reaction to the news that you’re leaving or that they won’t be able to survive well without you. Talking to a mental health professional or someone you trust can help you work through these issues. They’ll help you address your fears and start figuring out what you need to move forward – whether that means leaving or staying.

• It should not be used in place of the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare providers.
• There is no one-size-fits-all treatment process for alcoholism.
• Keep in mind, too, that therapists typically don’t recommend couples counseling for relationships that involve any kind of abuse.
• If your partner is constantly getting into trouble with the police for drunk driving or arguing with people at work because of their drinking, they may have an alcohol problem.
• You deserve a life that doesn’t revolve around chaos, fear and misery.

Talk to other people in the same situation and get support from them whenever possible

And, the people you love have the power to hurt you more than anyone else in your life. It can take time to recover your marriage during the recovery process, but support is available. Professional treatment can help you and your partner cope with the negative effects of substance use. It’s well-known that substance use disorder (SUD) can negatively affect relationships.

How to Recognize the Signs of an Alcoholic Spouse

Because alcohol use can also exaggerate emotional states while decreasing self-awareness, it may also lead to problematic behavior, including verbal aggression, according to Metcalf. Even if your partner blacked out and doesn’t remember treating you this way, this behavior still counts as abuse. To avoid enabling an alcoholic spouse, you may have to leave the home you share, which can seem like too brash of a decision. However, it sometimes takes a harsh reality to make an alcoholic see a situation for what it is. When this happens, all members should address the effects of alcoholism on themselves individually and as a family unit. Sometimes this means attending Al-Anon meetings, while other times, it means removing yourself from the situation.

• For over 20 years Dr. Umhau was a senior clinical investigator at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism of the National Institutes of Health (NIH).
• You’re more at risk for mental health disorders, substance abuse, PTSD, anger issues and other behavioral health problems.
• The disruptive consequences of their drinking can make broaching the subject a delicate matter.
• The best way to decide what treatment may be best for a person with an alcohol use disorder is to speak with a mental health professional.
• Any social function that will not include alcohol is unlikely to interest them.

If your partner is willing to get help, help them find counselors, therapists, and support groups. Its first secret trick is building tolerance through neuroadaptation. As we drink more, our bodies adapt, requiring higher quantities to achieve the same effects, pushing us deeper into the pitcher plant.

• The basal ganglia, a part of our brain involved in habit formation, strengthens the association between drinking and the context in which it occurs.
• More than likely, your loved one knows the dangers of AUD, but their addiction is so powerful that they have a hard time controlling it.
• Codependency keeps people from having healthy relationships, so unless this dynamic is changed, sobriety may not be enough to keep the cycle from continuing.
• It is further recommended that such investigation can be taken up in a qualitative manner to subjectively understand and acknowledge the pain of being a wife of an alcoholic.